Once a mommy....

I don't know about you, but after 26 plus years of being a mommy and almost 28 years of marriage, sometimes I just LONG to get dressed up or "gussied-up". You know, the pretty dress, high heels, a little make up, some cheap perfume and clean underwear with a panty liner. I am almost 50, 9 children, that is a must! I've watched my girls dress up for years. Even the boys join their ranks, being forced to attire themselves in feminine mode to accommodate a sister's passing fancy.

Last night was one of those nights where I COULD actually fulfill my fantasy and "beautify" myself, to the degree that it is possible. My husband and I attended a wedding of a man we have known for about 20 years. He is 51 and married a gal who is 37. Neither had been married. It was a beautiful wedding.

In "Sharon" fashion, I dressed and hopped in the car feeling PRETTY GOOD after a much need shower, a little Bath and Body spray, clean underwear and a clean ultra thin maxi pad, (Aunt Flo had come to visit). The reason will come clear as to WHAT that has to do with the night.

As some of you know, although never offical diagnosed, I am sure I am recovering from OCD, (obbessive compulsive disorder). I have certain compulsions that I have not been able to disorder myself from. One of those is taking green tea with me where ever I go. .

There I am sitting pretty in the car and we come upon a traffic jam. That meant sitting, sitting, sitting, knowing now we are going to be late for the wedding. As we are sitting, I noticed that I am VERY wet. I had done it AGAIN. The car has evidence of my past indiscretions, but now I AM the evidence. I forgot to snap close the Starbuck 16 oz. travel cup. The yummy Jasmine Green Tea was now my bathing solution and my perfume.

I retrieved a roll a extra absorbent paper towels from the back seat and tried to soak up the damage. Believe me they were not the "quicker picker upper" they claim to be. But, I continued knowing that a change of clothes was not in the equation. The dress I was wearing dried out pretty quickly, after I put my rear end toward the heater vent. However, when I would sit down, I would get soak again. I had put a plastic bag over the seat, so it was not coming from there.

I sat feeling very uncomfortable and we finally arrived at the wedding. I had my husband to “rear end patrol”, and everything looked just fine, so he said. Thank God for crepe style, quick drying dresses. I swayed my hips a little more that usual to try to air out the swampy feeling I had. We walked into the church, no time to assess the damage, as we were late. I sat down in the DRY church seat, and felt all squishy again. Nothing I could do, but go with the flow, no pun intended..

The service ended and we headed to the reception at the Museum of flight. I went to the bathroom to finally get a clear idea as to what I was dealing with. I sat on the toilet, pulled down my stockings, pulled down my tummy slimmer, control thing, my THICKER cotton underwear with the now super duper fat green tea filled, once ultra thin maxi pad, to access the damage. I could not put on a peel and stick UTMP on VERY wet cotton underwear. So, there I sat, cold wet and having to attend a formal wedding dinner. What could I do? What any woman would do? I took everything from waist down, off. Sound familiar? I then stuffed the underwear and tummy slimmer thing in my purse. I pulled out my spare UTMP stuck it on my nylons and put them pack on. I put my shoes back on and stood to leave, feeling very naked! Of all the days to not wear a slip!

I opened the door, washed my hands and sauntered out to my husband. The breeze between my legs left me feeling very vulnerable, but an evening reception in a darker room would be to my advantage.

I am not sure if there is a moral to this story, but let me think for a minute; Overcome your obsessions? Ultra thin maxi pads hold about 12 ounces of Jasmine Green Tea? Never leave home without a change of clothes? A slight draft between the legs dries nylons pretty quickly? How about this; things usually work out, just laugh a lot and make the best of the circumstances?